


Purity Test

by basaltgrrl



Category: Life on Mars (UK)
Genre: Gen, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-21
Updated: 2018-12-21
Packaged: 2019-09-24 09:35:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 355
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17098115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/basaltgrrl/pseuds/basaltgrrl
Summary: I recall silly tests like this from my college days, and thought it would be funny if the boys (and girls) compared scores.





	Purity Test

CID, after hours. The room is littered with whisky bottles, filled with cigarette smoke and a crowd of the usual suspects. It is also filled with a surprising silence and the sound of scratching pencils.

 

Ray: (triumphantly) I got 42!

Leonine Guy: Mine is 58.

Vince: 58??? (in a tone of disgust) Where have you been spending your life, under a rock? I’m at 37!

Geoff: (grins) 46 for me!

Ray: C’mon, Annie. Share with us. What kind of score to birds get on this?

Annie: (blushing) 74, thank you very much!

Vince: Phyllis? Fess up!

Phyllis: (with a withering glance) 45, you nosy git.

Ray: Guv! A fiver says the guv’s got a lower score than you, Vince.

Gene: Hand it over them, Raymundo—35 for me.

Phyllis: How about it Boss?

Sam: What did you get, Chris?

Chris: (staring at his shoes) Uh. Erm. 82.

(hoots and hollers of derision)

Sam: Nothing to be ashamed of. Hold your head up high; you’ve got the rest of your life to bring your score down.

Annie: What is your score, sir?

Gene: Yes, Dorothy. Please enlighten us.

Sam: You really want to know, do you?

Gene: Yes, damn it!

Sam: Read it and weep, gentlemen.

Ray: (with disbelief) Twelve???

Gene: You’re joking me!

Vince: You’re fucking joking me!

Sam: I swear to tell the truth and nothing but the truth. That is my actual score.

Ray: (to himself as he turns away) Twelve???

Sam crosses his arms and leans back with a self-satisfied smirk. Annie gives him a wondering, slightly scared look and gets into a conversation with Phyllis. Someone turns on the radio, and Chris begins his crazy drunken dance to the delight of the rest of CID.

Gene: (sotto voce) Which questions didn’t you get?

Sam: (innocently) Why, Guv? Want to help me lower my score?

Gene: Depending on the questions…

Sam: I imagine you don’t want to indulge in intravenous drug use, but you could certainly help me practice some of the others…

Gene: For such an impure man you do come up with a good plan now and then.

Sam grins.


End file.
